Part 9: Update Nine: The Event Horizon Remake Or Something

Welcome back, everyone! Last time, on Cthulhu Saves The World, we explored a little city called Providence, then explored around the ranch of a man who has had some of his cattle gone missing. We were then abducted, met Cthulhu's old pal, Paws, who then joined our party and told us that his people were going to fuck up the world. Today, we're going to fuck them up before they fuck up the earth, so let's get crazy.





We're free to leave at any time, if we so desire.



Ta-da!



Insightful.





That's your cool line for activating your tractor beam? C'mon.



So, yeah, you can do that.



You can also do this; we'll have to deactivate some laser barriers to progress, as well as to grab some treasures.



We'll be fighting a bunch of aliens and other monstrosities while we're here.



I'm pretty sure the discovery of FTL travel and cloaking technology come at the same time, Umi.





I've been trying to write some commentary here, but my wife and I just got Hulu and I'm being distracted by Seinfeld.



Fuck you, I need to know about the wacky misadventures of Jerry and his friends!





As to be expected, it's very space-shippey up here.





There are also multiple levels on each floor, so we'll be going up and down a lot.





Oh, good, a fight.



Well, those are definitely aliens.





Well, that's incredibly unpleasant to imagine.



Paws is kind of an interesting character; you'll notice that he has a shitload of HP, as well as good attack power (and his weapon gives him +1 Hit).



He can also switch enemies on and off on their Insanity switches.



And by Instant Attack, they mean instant; this will always come out first, no matter what.



He also has healing abilities, as well as Snowstorm and a combo breaker with Freeze. He's kind of a like a Red Mage in a lot of ways, and he's very useful for utility use. He's very fast, has good Strength, his defenses aren't bad, and he can heal.



He'll take a bit more damage here and there than Cthulhu or Sharpe, but he's still a very solid physical attacker.



I'm not exactly sure what this does, but I think it gives you a chance to accidentally hit a party member.



Also, log that as some nightmare fuel.



And I'm pretty sure that's a Gunclaw, so I'm thinking it's a gun that fits on their claws. Or maybe some sort of bizarre, alien gunblade.



Brainsquids, in addition to a regular attack, can attempt to Stun someone.



And this is the Gunclaw in action.



The after-battle rewards have gotten jacked up, too, which I'm totally cool with.



There are going to be a few levels around here, which should be expected when you hit a new dungeon.











Okay, that's not bad.



But the Starfish can fuck right off, since Flood is getting a major boost, and I'm still using the Aqua Trident, so Flood's power is really, really good right now.



Paws hops on in the action, too, and with a tempting skill.



While this only has half the power, it also happens every turn and doesn't break my combo, so Paws learns Regen All.



Nothing to examine with these computers, which is too bad; these could have served the same purposes as bookshelves in regular areas.





An unobstructed treasure chest!



Oh, poo.



Ugh, a couple of pains in the ass in a single fight.



These guys qualify for a machine gun attack that hits several times, for good damage; if it focuses on a single party member, they will probably die horribly.



Eh, I bet he's probably got chunks of fruit floating around in there.



And then these sons of bitches!



And this is why they suck. Like the Ape Princess, they'll make their allies nearly invincible.



Though, I will say, they're not too tough to take out, and are definitely a priority.



And I pretty much saw no other Gooeys up here, so I'll have to do my best to hunt one down later. I didn't expect to completely blitz them with that Fireball.



However, Fireball is the shit, so it blasted them straight to hell.



Hey, alright, money! I could use plenty of this.



Not for the game or anything, but there's stuff I want to buy in my regular life.



Mostly some PSN games, like Wild ARMs 3.





And a PSN Plus account thingy, too, because those benefits seem pretty cool.



Especially the free game thing they do.



You're not gettin' any from me, loser!



I'm not even sure how the hell that kind of game would work, but I'm sure someone has an idea of it.



'course, maybe a Monster Rancher game with a monster like that would work.



You could get new monsters out of it, or it could do multi-hit attacks with little guys popping out of it.



The fights here aren't usually too difficult, especially considering you get really good rewards out of the fights.



Upon seeing this option, I never give a shit about the other one, but let's see what it is anyway.



Bwahahaha, get the fuck out of here. Sharpe is going to be bashing things an extra time.





While the extra HP is extremely tempting, October is currently slower than a dead guy, so she gets the extra Agility.



Plus, she's fragile enough that extra HP won't go that much farther into keeping her alive. It'd be like giving Rydia all your Silver Apples and leaving her in the front row.





Ah, another computer. We've gotta work our way around to shut off another laser barrier.





Are those trash cans? In space, couldn't you just shoot it out of the airlock? Granted, that could turn a half-eaten cheeseburger into some sort of dangerous missile, but that's not affecting us.





Holy Christ, this is a long hallway.



And it ends with a laser barrier. Goddammit.







Wait, this is where we started!



And that was right there the whole time. Ugh.





Those are some good stats, but that boost to Water/Ice is just too good to give up.



After popping back up, let's continue.





Like I said, there's a lot of new enemies around here, which is one thing I really like about this game; there's a nice variety in the enemies.



Aww, they're cute lil' UFOs.



Wait, why the hell would these be unidentified? Won't the Ulthar know what they are? I guess they're unidentified to us, though.



I bet you're wondering what an Insane UFO would look like.



Wonder no further!



And moving along, we can see the stairs leading to the next floor.





It's just a hop, skip and a jump up and over here, we can head up to the next floor.







Holy shit, a red laser. Must be baaaaad news.



Actually, it's the same old laser, just a different color.



I've always wondered about different colored lasers; do the colors mean anything? Did the Empire need green lasers? Was the Rebellion formed when someone liked red lasers better? Is there some rogue faction out there using chartreuse colored lasers?



Would you be considered a terrorist if you wanted to use pink lasers?



Oh, son of a bitch.



Someone in the thread mentioned that they hear Sharpe's lines in Sean Bean's voice, and now I do too, you son of a bitch. And for a minute, the thread was also discussing which movies Sean Bean survived in. And then someone mentioned Pixels, and I wanted to close the thread.



In short, Adam Sandler sucks these days, I hear Sharpe as Sean Bean, and I picture Paws as Michael Clarke Duncan.





I remember this dungeon being gigantic, but it's not that big, not really. There's just a lot of running around.





And they got the encounter number set just about perfectly; if you're exploring normally and trying to find everything, you'll probably come within one or two battles of the limit.





I'm not sure what the hell that is there.



I'm still not sure what that is. It kind of looks like a planet or something.



Heading down leads us to a treasure chest, but also a battle.



I encountered this guy just this one time up here, so I'm not sure if he's just a one-off miniboss or what.





I only ever saw one attack from the Mech.



But he is weak to Lightning, so October can really wreck some shit.



Which you've gotta be able to do quickly, or the Mech is going to destroy you.



I did my damndest to drop him, but those Missiles are killers, but Paws had what it took to finish him off.



All in all, it's not what I'd call a hard fight; it's easy to get your ass kicked, yet, as long as you're throwing out your big power attacks, you'll be kicking his ass instead.







Continuing north, we shut off another laser barrier.



I really like Paws' sprite. Kitties just translate well to the sprite format.





The paths are kind of winding and a touch convoluted, which leads this dungeon to seeming so large.





Or, maybe, this dungeon is fuckin' big. I've got 277 shots here. Not that I'm going to use all of them, and some of them are boss fight and other fights, but a majority of it is travel time.



And this path leads to another treasure chest.



I swear, it's always something.



Invaders are kind of annoying. They're quick and hit for low damage.



And when you kill other enemies, they use a speed-up ability, which...Ensures they're going first even faster than before? I dunno.





I'll have a .gif of how a fight with the Invaders goes a little later on.





Cthulhu gets a smattering of stats.



Uh-huh, that's not bad.



But this is much better.





Paws already has a shitload of HP, but he also has a shitload of Agility. However, I don't think he has enough Agility, so he gets the boost there.





Now this is absolutely bitchin'. Sure, we lose some other stats, but Cthulhu now doesn't give a shit about your Defense.



Oh, Christ, I've become lost in my screenshots.



A new enemy will distract you from my directional abilities.







In addition to being ugly, they're kinda strong.



And they're assholes, in that they're more than willing to drain HP from your party members.



Man, I missed a few different EXP and Gold screens for this update. Does anyone really give a shit about those, though?



I think I do it now because it's force of habit; I've LP'd enough games where it was easy enough to show that off and now I'm not sure what to do at the end of battle.



Oh, and Sharpe gets Bonus A, mostly for the extra Strength and Agility.





And that was a loop we just made.



Oh, Christ, I think I'm missing a shot or two.



Mostly just travel shots, so it's nothing overly important, but it's still a touch off putting. It's like I made some incredibly amateur mistake.



I say that like I'm some sort of paid professional.



Anywho, this is what a fight with Invaders typically looks like.



Oh, yeah, I remember the reward screen here.



Oh, maybe because it led to a level up.



Hrm, one group. I'm still not crazy about those kinds of attacks.



However, I go with this option; even though I'm boosting Fire, there will be enemies that resist Fire, so I like having some options down the road. Anything I can get that will hit the entire enemy party is good, just because that can help cut down on battle time.





Oh, son of a bitch.



But, a hallway over, the stairs we need are just sitting there.





I just do not trust windows in spaceships. That seems like such a bad idea.





To get to that chest, it's as easy as heading south, east, then north.





I'd love this, if Lightning hit the entire enemy party.





Urgh, more lasers! And one's hiding a chest!







This is about the point that I ran out of encounters, which was good by me. We're close enough to the end that I'm just tired of fighting and want to finish off the boss.





There's nothing to the right.



We're very close to the end of this dungeon.



But, there's still some treasure to snag, and I'm not leaving before I do that.



For your convenience, I'll just show what we're getting.







We lose a bit of Agility here, but the other boosts are more than worth it.



With that, let's get this done.





Holy crap, they have nicer chairs than I do.



Another kitty!



Excellent. That's easier than I expected.



OH CHRIST IT'S A MEAN KITTY



Stay back, Umi, that kitty is not nice!



gasp



Not just humans; there's a living sword and a squid-man, too.



Of course he'd know Cthulhu.



Remember that Cthulhu was excited to see Paws? We know that Pawz is evil because Cthulhu doesn't like him.



What in the fuck are you talking about, Paws? It's been less than twenty minutes!



Thank you, October.







Alright, Pawz, let's dance.



Now that is a story I'd like to hear.



So, Pawz mostly attacks the entire party at once. I'm going to need some level of constant healing.



That healing won't outrace Snowstorm, but it'll go a good ways toward keeping us alive a minute or two longer.



I'd really love to Seal Pawz, since that would cut out most of what he can do.



I try making him Insane and cutting his resistances, but I'm guessing that he's basically immune to Seal, or the chances of it hitting are so low, it doesn't matter how much the resistances are lowered, it's not going down.



31 HP a round isn't much, but it'll do.



He doesn't use many physical attacks, but when he does use them, this will keep them out of our hair.



Perhaps making him Insane was a bad idea.







Then again, maybe not.



This was one of the few physical attacks I saw Pawz use, so maybe Blinding him wasn't all that useful. For what it's worth, I never did manage to Stun him with Stun Strike, either.



And this was so very close to finishing him off.



In what some would call justice, poetic or otherwise, Paws lands the killing blow on Pawz.



A full round of levels results from this, which is so goddamned cool.



Oh-ho, hell yeah!



I believe Insanity counts as an ailment and Umi has enough ways to drop ailments on unsuspecting foes.



Meh. As you know, since I wrote so many words about the other option, I took that one.



And you know I took this one.





As for our necromancer, this was kind of a tough one. That's a lot of extra HP and MP, but the extra Strength and Magic, I think, will suit me better. October has a shitload of MP to begin with, and I need her spells to be incredibly powerful. More bang for my buck or something like that.



Now that's fun; I make a shitload of enemies Insane.



However, Snowstorm and Freeze both qualify under this 50% boost, so that's what I'm going with.



Farewell. Your eyepatch added loads to what we thought of you.



Oh, God, he's still alive!



And now he's dead.





...Umi, what the fuck do you know about spaceship operations?



...Very little, apparently.



Nothing good, Paws! That sort of BOOM is nothing good!









Break one of the windows! It'll be like an express exit!



Or yeah, we could do that.





Well, hell, let's go underwater and see what sort of shit lives down there. I'm sure it'll be nothing good.



Oh, yeah, we're never getting back there. Hopefully I didn't miss anything.



Although, Cthulhu does raise a good point. Does this mean that we won?



That's a lot of hero points!



Aww, rats.



What do you have to say to that, Narrator?



You're a dick, Narrator.



If I could, I'd be fist-bumping Cthulhu.



Like one of those blessings in--







I was trying to think of a joke involving Sharpe being flat, since he's a sword and alla that, but I got nothin'.



It'll be okay, buddy. I know a guy, we'll get a burning sheep thrown into his basement.



But, for now, let's take a break. Next time, we'll head out and about, see where we can go now, but for now, rest easy and I'll see you all next time.

Stay tuned!